Are you looking to load up your arsenal with a whole bunch of guitar puns and jokes that are actually funny? Have you and your guitar buddies heard all the guitar puns in the biz and looking for a way out of this hell hole called life?
Step right up and let us take you on a trip through over 100 guitar puns!
Table of Contents
- Sports Jokes
- Food Jokes
- Music Jokes
- Animal Jokes
- Brand Jokes
- Famous Artist Jokes
- Chord Jokes
- Jazz Jokes
- Rock Jokes
- Bass Guitar Jokes
- Final Tones
- FAQs Guitar Puns
Sports Jokes
Surprise, surprise! Some people’s hearts aren’t entirely in it – in fact, they are able to divide their attention between music and sports! These guitar puns are specially concocted for them!
- What do a guitar and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
- Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music? Because she broke the record.
Food Jokes
Of course, some who play guitar are also into making and eating food. These people are otherwise known as ‘foodies’ and they might be partial to some jokes that go a little something like this:
- How do you get a musician off your front step? Finger Tied Pay for the pizza.
- What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
- How do you get a guitar player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza delivery.
- What’s an avocado’s favorite music? Guac ‘n’ roll.
- What’s a guitar’s favorite cheese? String cheese.
- What do you call strawberries playing the guitar? A jam session.
Music Jokes
If you came to this video because you are a musician that plays an instrument that isn’t a guitar, then perhaps these following jokes will cater to your own needs:
- Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they forgot the words.
- Why is a piano so hard to open? Because the keys are on the inside.
- What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.
- What do you call a musical insect? A humbug.
- What do clarinetists use for birth control? Their personalities.
- What makes songs but never sings? Notes.
- What’s the most musical bone? The trombone.
- What makes pirates such good singers? They can hit the high Cs.
- What do you call a guitar you inherited from your parents? An heir guitar.
- What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
- Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Because they put on the salsa.
- What is the most musical part of your body? Your nose, you can blow it and pick it.
- What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married? Feyonce.
- What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor [miner].
- Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
- Why are violinists braver than guitarists? They never fret.
- What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? Drool.
- What’s a golf club’s favorite type of music? Swing.
- What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm!
- What types of songs do planets sing? Nep-tunes.
- How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes four movements.
- What type of music are balloons afraid of? Pop music.
- Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his heir.
- How many sound technicians does it take to change a lightbulb? One, two, three, one, two, three.
- Wanna hear a joke about a staccato? Never mind, it’s too short.
- How do you know when there’s a drummer at the door? His timing is terrible and he never knows when to come in!
- Why are concert intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you won’t need to retrain the singers.
- What did the robbers take from the music store? The lute!
- I asked my father if he could leave his guitar collection to my children when he passes. He said that’s music to his heirs.
- What makes music on your head? A headband.
- Why did the singer climb a ladder? She wanted to reach the high notes!
- Asked a friend why he was licking his guitar. He said he had good taste in music.
Animal Jokes
Who doesn’t love an animal joke? It feels like something we can all rally around, and now you can rally around it while using a guitar as a massive pike, herding them all together like a flock of animals to do your bidding.
- What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moo-sician.
- What is a cat’s favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
- What’s the difference between an electric guitar player and a dog? The dog knows when to stop Howling.
- What’s a pigeon’s favorite guitar? A “coo” stick guitar.
- Why did the fish make such a good musician? He knew his scales.
- What kind of music do bunnies like? Hip Hop.
- What is the musical part of a snake? Its scales.
- What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school? MEWsic.
- What kind of musical instruments do rats play? Mouse organs.
- What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
- What musical keys do cows sing in? Beef flat.
- What do you get when you cross a chicken with a guitar? A chicken that makes music when you pluck it!
- What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra? The bull has horns in front and an ass in the back.
Brand Jokes
If you approach guitar playing from anywhere on the left wing of the political spectrum, it can often just seem like the whole thing is a constant competition to have the biggest and best brand and logo at the end of your guitar’s headstock. If this at all concerns you, then perhaps you will be tickled by this series of jokes.
- What happens when you cross a hyena with a guitar? You get a Yamaha ha ha ha ha!
- Guitar maker Fender has announced a new line of woodwind instruments, the Saxofender.
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, “Are you a first off-Fender?”
- There’s a magician who can fold even the highest-quality guitars in half. He’s known as “the Fender bender.”
- The cops questioned my guitar because Someone told them it was a Fender.
- What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul? It depends on how far you throw it.
- Oh, you play a Fender? I prefer the Gibson for its unique tuning of E A D Gb B E.
Famous Artist Jokes
Perhaps you like your jokes to be about more than just sheet music and playing air guitar. Perhaps having seen the list of brand jokes you want jokes that are even more specific, jokes that refer to your favorite artists on bass guitar or your favorite jazz guitarist. Well, want no longer!
- How many guitarists does it take to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’? Apparently all of them.
- What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
- Which elf was the best singer? ELFis Presley.
- Why did Mozart kill his chickens? Because they always ran around going “Bach! Bach! Bach!”
- Which composer likes tea the most? Chai-kovsky.
- Does Freddie know how to play guitar? No, but Brian may.
- Which concert only cost 45 cents? A concert featuring Nickelback and 50 Cent!
- What does a guitarist think of when meeting their inlaws? Hiiiiiighway to hell.
- What do Eric Clapton and black coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
- My girlfriend left me because I was obsessed with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
- I played “Sweet Home Alabama” with my sister since I learned the guitar recently. Nothing happened.
- Did you know that Rick Astley only tunes his guitar up? Because he never lets it down.
- My girlfriend asked if I could play Wonderwall on the guitar. I said “maybe”.
- How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune? Evidently all of them.
Chord Jokes
Are you the kind of rock guitarist who searches their favorite rock music for jokes about chords specifically? Are you a lead guitarist in search of leads toward harmonic jokes? Then step right up!
- A professional store guitar player? Play “Smoke on the Water.”
- Middle C, Em-flat, and G walk into a bar. “Sorry,” the bartender says to the Em-flat, “We don’t serve minors here.”
- What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? A music critic.
- What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA.
- What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.
- How do you invite a guitar musician to a party? Chordially.
- What’s God’s favorite guitar chord? Gsus.
- I really like guitars They just strike a chord with me.
- What’s worse than telling jokes about guitarists? Laughing at ’em.
- What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord? A demented chord.
Jazz Jokes
Any jazz guitar musician amongst you will no doubt rejoice when you read this list of jazz-related jokes!
- Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
- What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist? One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.
- What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work? Big Mac and large fries, please!
- What’s the difference between a Jazz guitarist and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of 4.
Rock Jokes
Of course, you might also be on the other side of the great divide between rock and jazz.
- Why do electricians hate rock music? Too many power chords.
- Why did the rock star put his guitar in the fridge? Because he wanted to play cool music.
- What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn? Pink Flamenco.
- What’s the difference between Rock music and a machine gun? The machine gun only repeats 10 times per second.
- Did you hear about that crook that was stealing guitars from classic rock stars? He was locked up for petty thievery.
- What rock band has four guys that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
- What is the perfect weight for a punk rock guitarist? 3 and a half pounds including the urn.
- A friend is in a sea-themed rock band. He’s going to tuna guitar.
Bass Guitar Jokes
You might not even be a guitarist at all. In fact, you might be a bass guitarist!
- My friends and I have achieved the level of Led Zeppelin’s members in musicianship. The drummer plays the drums like Jimmy Page, the guitarist plays the guitar like John Bonham, the bassist plays the bass like Robert Plant and I sing like John Paul Jones.
- Something a guitarist would never say: “Man, I really would rather be a bass player.”
- A bass guitar and an oboe had an affair. It was very low-key.
- Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes? They don’t understand them.
- How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lead player can do it with his teeth.
- How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn’t matter, bass players are never in the light anyway.
- What has a neck but no head? A bass.
- I’m going to slap the F out of you… said the bass player to his bass guitar.
- Why don’t bass players like dating guitar players? Too much treble.
- Why can’t bass players get through a door? He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!
- What kind of fish plays the guitar? Bassist.
- What do you call a bass player with a job? The pizza delivery boy.
- Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? To find the hidden rebel bass.
- What’s the difference between a bass and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.
- How do you know when there’s a bass guitarist at the door? He doesn’t know when to come in.
- What do you do with a bad guitar player? You give them a bass.
- Why did the bass player get angry with the lead guitarist? The lead guitarist turned a string and wouldn’t say which one.
- What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A bass player.
Final Tones
So, there you have it! Hopefully, you are now feeling ready to go forth and tell these jokes to your guitar buddies!
FAQs Guitar Puns
Commonly, a guitar will be referred to as an axe, either seriously or comically.
You might call a great guitarist a virtuoso, though this phrase is not necessarily specific to the guitar.
In guitar slang, a riff is a short melodic and/or rhythmic pattern that is performed on the guitar and often repeated throughout a song.
In guitar slang, shredding refers to the act of playing fast up and down the neck, hence the phrase ‘shred’.
